On Death and Suicide

Have you ever thought of suicide? Or death in general?

I have. I do still.

Let me clear it up first, I'm afraid to take my own life. I also think I'm afraid to die. Actually, its not that I'm afraid. I just don't want to die, not right now at least.

Why this post? I think its just something I have to let out. Get it out of my system.
I was driving to work earlier. At the intersection, just like what any driver is supposed to do, I checked all sides before I crossed. Then I had this very vivid image in my head. As I was crossing, a speeding car/truck slams on my car. Crushing me. This has happened a lot of times already. Either I get slammed by another vehicle or I hit somebody. I always want to die in my "day dream".

Sometimes, I think of killing myself. Think of ways to do it. Then I "wake up". It's weird coz in reality, I can never do it. It's as if I am two people. This usually happens when I get so depressed or facing some problem.

Gaaah!! I'm creeping myself out.