We laughed. posed for the camera. ate. sang.laughed some more. I haven't laughed so hard nor mad a fool of myself for a long time. It was just like the good ol' days. I remember as if it were yesterday. My friends and I would go out and have good rockin' fun. There were times that we would almost pee in our pants because we were laughing so hard...or sometimes we just had too much to drink. Those times that 3 or 4 of us would squeeze in one cubicle and throw up. Times that we would just have small talk in the foodcourt. Times when we just knew where everybody else was. no cellphones, no pagers. We just knew. We would often joke about having radars and telepathic abilities.
I was so nostalgic that I started viewing my friends' accounts. Then reality sets in. We have all moved on. They have their own families now. They've got kids. And I am happy for all of them. Really.
But I also felt pain inside. As if somebody plunged a very huge needle in my heart (yeah, blame CSI). They all have a certain look. contentment? Maybe. Maybe I am jealous. Maybe the green-eyed monster brainwashed me. One minute I am so ecstatic, so high, so elated and then so troubled and depressed the next.
Maybe because the truth is that I can't have what they have now. not yet. As much as I want to, I'd still have to wait until my time comes. Until everything is settled.
I guess I have been wanting this for so long now and I just keep telling myself that I don't.
But knowing that my time will come, keeps me going. As pammy would always say: "there's so much love around!!"
So, I'll live. I'll love. I'll give it all until I can't give no more.
Bring it on!
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