Stars are Blind

I had a revelation a few weeks ago. Well, its more of "natauhan ako". 

I am turning 30 this year. (Actually today  ). I didn't want to celebrate. I just want to hide. In my mind a little voice is saying over and over again: "tanda mo na!!". I so hate that little voice. I wish it would go away and leave me alone. I felt miserable. hay!

One night I woke up with a start. "Year of the pig ngayon!! Year of the pig!!". Of course I knew that already. But you see, it was also the year of the pig when I had my debut. 18 years old. I had so much fun then. (Funny, coz almost all the gifts I received are from OINK.) So I thought this year should be as good as that one. Taon ko ngayon!!  

I called up my friends. "Hoy pumunta kayo sa bahay ha, birthday ko. Regaluhan nyo ko..last time regalo nyo puro oink, baka this time chicharon baboy naman...ayoko non!". 

Choosy!

I was lifted. I am actually waiting for the day I turn thirty. Thirty and flirty and thriving...

Until 2 days ago.

I was late for work. I have been waiting for a taxi for more than an hour and I am pissed to the core! I started walking.

Inis na inis ako, naglakad lakad ako. inis na inis talaga ako gusto ko na umiyak. at habang naglalakad ako, bigla ko na lang namalayan na tumitilapon na pala ako sa gitna ng kalsada.

sumabit heel ng shoes ko sa laylayan ng pants ko...at slow motion ang pagdausdos ko sa kalsada....isa lang nasa isip ko habang pilit kong pino protektahan ang mukha ko sa posibleng pagka damage at paghabol ko sa cellphone at bag ko na kasabay kong tumitilapon....

katapusan ko na ito!! 

slow motion talaga. at may paparating pang sasakyan! kaya dali dali akong tumayo at naglakad na akala mo walang nangyari. ngunit muntik akong maiyak nang may nagtanong sa akin: "are you ok?"
gusto ko sana sabihin: "sa tingin mo?!!!!"

sabi ko sa sarili ko, birthday ko na ilang araw na lang at year of the pig ngayon... taon ko to! walang makakapigil sa akin.

ang sheilalooh, pumasok ng may butas ang slacks at duguan. 

And it doesn't stop there. That day I had a bollocking from my boss. I had my medical exam, meaning they had to take some of my blood. Hay, duguan na naman.

But that won't stop me. I will still celebrate. I will stand up and face the world. After 3 decades on earth, I deserve some respect at least. I will go on.  Kahit may sakit ako ngayon...birthday kung birthday!

Who wouldn't smile at this, my mom sent me an sms early in the morning:

madir: (March 15, 2007 05:57:32)

happy birthday anak god bless you i love you ingat ka baka madapa ka na namam

sheila:(March 15, 2007 06:44:10)

wag mo na ipaalala na nadapa ako. nakakahiya nga eh.laki laki ko na puro band aid ako. eto may lagnat at sipon ako ngayon. lagnat laki lang to. heheh.

madir: (March 15, 2007 06:45:42)

magpacheck up ka na bka napilayan ka

Nanay ko talaga!