WHY ME EFFECT

I wasn't always like this. I used to be a fun person, spontaneous and lively. Heck I used to be the life of the party! What happened?

Back in college, I was doing very well. I am not a genius but I am getting by just like most of my classmates. It was the best time of my life. We would hang out. We would compare notes. We would make fun of professors. We did everything together and we were young.

When I graduated, I thought I have missed a lot. The other side of being a student. Late night outs, parties, booze and lots more. I said to myself, maybe I could just wait around for awhile. Maybe I should just relax, after all I just finished 4 years of studies. And so relax I did. I found new friends and they're the best. I owe a lot of my growth to them. I would not be the person I am without them but when I realized that my classmates have moved on and are now successful in the corporate world, I began to think about my own future.

Other people seem to have good jobs and they're enjoying the fruits of their labor. I started to apply for work. But I just can't get a good break. And now I always tell myself: "if only I got a good job, or a good break" then I’d be happy. And that mentality stuck to me.

I now have a good job but I still envy other people around me. I have now a career but I'm starting to make a mess of myself again. Just like the previous jobs that I had, I would always justify my actions by saying that "this is not the job that I want…I'm not happy". I still look at my friends and the "what ifs and maybes" start running through my head.

Maybe I don't really need to change job. Maybe I could be successful in this one. Maybe all I need is to focus and stay positive.

And stop making excuses. Stop comparing myself with other people. Stop being so bitchy about life.

Maybe. I. should. work. now. instead. of. blogging.